Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize