Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I have fence marks all over my body
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
