My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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