i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
