its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
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