At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
