I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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