So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
