Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
