There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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