i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
