I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
