my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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