Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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