I'm gonna have a badass scar
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
