those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just had sex bonerless
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize