either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
