I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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