Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
