We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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