I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
