So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
