maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
