Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
