I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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