We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
