He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
