Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
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