Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
operation harelip BJ is a go
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
i out mim tonsoeep
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