i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
