i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize