i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
