it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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