Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
