Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
