I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
