I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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