a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
