Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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