You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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