Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
