she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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