I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
