He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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