Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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