Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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