Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I wish you could order shots online.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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