Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
