I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
