exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
