Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
