Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
