I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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