I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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