I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
