Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
