Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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