I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize