so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
