Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
