She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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