He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He passed out mid-signature
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
