Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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