Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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