I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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