I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
