So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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