I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
