I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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