I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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