I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
