i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
