dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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