dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
