he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
