So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'd cum for enchiladas.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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