She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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