i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
