you would pick up someone in the library
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
