Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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