Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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