According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I can't put those talents on a resume
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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