She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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