He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
