Define "chronic" masturbator.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
