We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
