He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize