I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
