so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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