I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My legs feel like baby dolphins
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
