Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
