So drunk its hurt
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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