Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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