I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
